Actually, we have survived until the Friday of the Half term. So I potentially need to alter my title, but it wouldn’t be quite as catchy (because it’s ever so witty as it currently stands 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️) Hurrah to all parents who have made it! I hate to break it to you but the ever so, unnecessarily long Summer Holidays are just around the corner. In warm up for such a ridiculously long break from school we have argued/debated/cried over anything and everything. I have yet to understand how children can achieve a crescendo level of screaming in 10 seconds flat because someone used the wrong coloured rubber. Below are just a few examples of my thoroughly enjoyable half term:

  • Why someone had looked at someone funny over the way they looked at the TV (I kid you not)
  • What constitutes as a tin for a homework assignment. The bottle of water you have out will not do just because you cant be arsed to open the cupboard. It is NOT a tin. In anyone’s opinion.
  • The sleeve you dunked in the mess you spilt, out of a bowl you were carrying is not my fault. Or anyone elses. It is, in fact entirely, YOUR OWN FAULT.
  • Crying over the fact the we downloaded the wrong BGT episode and it meant they had to wait, with nothing on the screen for a whole 98seconds before right episode graced our screens.
  • My favourite thus far “why is there aloe Vera in the fridge when it’s not sunny Mama?” Its Allioli dude, garlic mayo kid. Wouldn’t fancy that on my sunburn. 🤢🤢🤢

This list is by no means exhaustive, although I have to admit I am pretty exhausted. I reckon I have negotiating skills that could be utilised by the Pentagon. If I can talk #BossBaby round to eat sausages with no ketchup (some how my life time subscription to Heinz had not adjusted to allow for last weekends Party full of over enthusiastic, Sausage wielding, ketchup inhaling Ankle Biters) I can help to achieve world peace.

I have entire confidence in the ability of 100 mums in a room, solving pretty much anything. Except those panic room things, if you go in one of those you’re on your own. Why would anyone want to pay someone to get locked in a room with no obvious way out. Dust off my soap box and I shall preach to all about why that is just chuffing nuts.

But for now, I shall leave you with this…don’t leave homework until the last day of half term. It will make your eyeballs bleed.

Send wine,

Helen 🖤

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