Increasing mummy/daddy/family/any one will do readership is my mission, even if I’ve misplaced the instruction book/have no idea how to/didn’t even know microblogging was a thing and low and behold I’m just a Mum standing (sitting) in front of an iPad – hoping you’ll love me. Bloody loved that film. I am in the throes of instagram, twitter, facebook, wordpress, bloglovin’ and Pinterest!!! I didn’t even know half of these things existed, and my widgets have gone to shit since my fraternising with the Button of Doom, god knows how I am going to add that list of media options to my footer, is it my footer? Oh and apparently my footer has too much padding…..haven’t we all? I feel as though I have quite literally spent the last 12 hours of my life on my tip toes on a box, waving vigorously at a crowd of tiny specs I can just about see across the desert that is the t’interweb.

Think Donkey (Eddie Murphy voice at the ready) in Shrek “Pick me, Pick me!” If you don’t get the reference you either don’t have kids, or you don’t like Ogres. Is it not a right of passage to have watched all kid films multiple times over? And just to make us all feel really old, it was first realised in…wait for it…

2001!!!!

I swear Wikipedia is lying, again.

As I continue to pimp myself out on social media, I am endeavouring to increase readership of this very blog. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t spend any money on said venture, bar the cost of the website and my time (shed loads of my time).

I feel as though I have had a few well intended flops along the years. Since having the twiglets my full time roll evaporated and I became pretty much a SAHM. Which I have loved, and hated, in equal parts.

I hate not using my brain, hence aforementioned business ideas.

I love being able to fix a broken dream with a cuddle.

I hate being a referee/bouncer/mediator every 30 seconds. 10 on some days.

I love my children.

I hate my ninja kittens when they destroy my house.

I hate love my husband some days always….

So I began waffling and people (ok, not people people- Besties and The Fam) started reading. Then I thought something magic was going to happen. I googled. And I YouTubed. I waited for a light bulb moment. And waited. Alas, as I am still waiting, I have had to make do with a dim, flickering, buzzing e47 instead.

So back upon my box I go (or in it if you prefer). Wave back if you can see me, its pretty boring over here on my own. Actually, that’s a lie, its bloody noisey and not boring at all. We are currently in the midst of argument 11 of the day (Its not even 10am) and I have no clue what they are arguing about, why, or where they find the breath to screech/cry/sob all at the same time?!

I can barely make it up the stairs without a breath break, let alone expel and inhale at the same time! They are destined to be yogi masters.

So what is the verdict? My aim is to spread the Parenting Fails and Pigtails love far and wide, but is it best I hang up my keyboard and accept my lack of readership is because its really shit? 😂

Not just yet I hear you say (no one spoke) Happy Saturday one and all, feel free to say Hi, I don’t bite. Not regularly anyway,

Helen 🖤

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