The Twins are on their first residential school trip this weekend and the house is eerily quiet. We live in a constant, almost organised, chaos. I am quite an ordered person, I like straight lines, facts and my clothes to be in colour coded order (ha – long gone are those days) but since having children, I have adopted a “Spanish shrug” response to the mess and devastation they leave in their wake.

My head count is invariably up not down, so having the house filled with only #bossbaby flanked by her ninja kitten bodyguards, is downright weird. And superbly quiet. I am tuning in to @hitsradiouk to hear an insta-friend in her proper job, whilst tying bows for the jars for the party. Rock and Roll. Seriously living the dream, a laugh minute in my life. 🙄😂

On the upside, The Twins must have slept as I didnt need to hoof up to The Lakes in the middle of the night. That being said, there is an awesome family staying super near by, who I know would give excellent substitute Mama cuddles until I got there should they be required. Its so difficult when you would literally DIE if needed to protect these small mini beasts, but you need to let them do things as a right of passage to becoming well rounded individuals.

I so wish I could freeze time, when my boy still loves me and almost gives me a hug on his way into school still. I enjoy/hate my kids in equal measure most days. But I love seeing them reach new heights (literally in Thing 2’s case, he is practically a Giraffe) and succeeding at so many things. It’s incredible to think these people love me, almost as much as I love them. Kids become your entire world.

For me, there wasn’t an instant rush of love and fierce protection. I struggled massively when I had The Twins, and I didnt really realise it wasn’t how you “should” feel. I kind of just thought I was tired and felt separated from them as a result.

Its only when #BossBaby launched herself into the world I appreciated the difference. It was instant. It was all the things people preach it should be. And it reformed my relationship with The Twins too.

I am now a Mama Bear and proud.

I have had an awesome upbringing and remain ever so close to my family and childhood friends. Getting married relatively young means I am going to have teenagers by the time I’m 40, and I have to be honest, I have grown up alongside my children.

I have made some terrible mistakes, huge errors in judgement and misplaced sleep deprived anger in directions it should never have gone. But we are all still standing, admittedly just some days, but here, united in the insanely amazing love between mother and child.

I constantly endeavour to better myself, my approach to parenting and my decisions in life. I have shit days just like everyone else, but I have slowly become a human I actually like. I’m a bit chubby, very spotty, a HUGE potty mouth some days and have an addiction to monochrome that verges on weird. But I strive to be honest, always genuine and I am fiercely loyal. If you’re in, you’re in.

I don’t always get it right, I don’t think anyone does. We all make mistakes, but I think it takes courage to acknowledge our imperfections. Anyone who claims to be insta-perfect is probably very lonely at heart. If that rings true to you and you’re reading this, reach out and find someone you can be “you” with. It’ll certainly make life a whole less insta but a whole more perfect.

Which is pretty perfect to me. Together with my squad, is my favourite place to be,

Helen 🖤

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