Er is it really only Monday?

I swear its at least Wednesday? Does anyone else find school holidays go on FOREVER?!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little tribe, and I wouldn’t swap them for the world, but some days, some days my patience isn’t just thin its gone and totally evaporated. And today my friends, is one of those days.

To start with I’ve footache – rock and roll. Ive two ninja kittens who keep head butting the bifold doors in attempt to catch a leaf that’s on the other side of the glass, and despite my best efforts to open the door and explain they should bypass the glass, thus giving them more hope of catching said leaf, and less chance of concussion, but not even my sodding cats listen to me.

Also, I have undone any bonus pounds lost being on a low iodine diet by inhaling the entire contents of Lytham-St-Annes this weekend. Despite me teetering on the edge of vom due to reaching maximum capacity, there was no way I was leaving the last cookie unattempted. I think I still feel sick, but perhaps that’s just the mint Aero I’ve just shovelled in my face behind the fridge door.

“What are you eating mummy?” Through my chocolate filled splutter “grapes girls, would you like some?” I am never going to heaven 😬

Put down the chocolate and step away from the fridge.

Does anyone else mindlessly open and close the fridge, as if something is going to miraculously appear the 11th time I check to see if there is anything I fancy? I recommend a padlock that automatically changes code upon the 3rd time of opening….maybe I should start practising what I preach.

As a kid I grew up in a sweet shop. I was super popular. It took me a good while to realise I was only super popular due to a never ending supply of gummy bears, not my hilarious wit and 90’s good looks. (Think leg warmers and scrunchies – a beaut)

As the Patrons kids however, we were only allowed one chocolate bar of a weekend, and in my exceptional efforts to ensure I got the most from my weekly allowance, I developed a fondness for a mint Aero. They were the biggest, single chocolate bar we sold. Even my economics at an early age unwittingly increased the size of my already generous posterior. Which looked fabulous in leggings and the aforementioned leg warmers, finished off with a side ponytail and day-glo scrunchy. I kid you not.

I am going to have to redo my damage limitation diet before I get back on the scales as I’ve invested in accurate digital ones these days that you cant stand on funny to save yourself a pound or two…

My foot needs to stop throbbing as my arse needs to have a wobble on the treadmill in an attempt to reverse the weekends damage. Either that or I may just finish the aero – save the kids the calories…..

Surely it’s Wednesday by now?

Helen 🖤

It could only happen to me….

When I state this, it is derived from a genuine astonishment over a series of events that have occurred in the last 48 hours. I am blonde (admittedly it is more bleach, less genetics these days) but it appears this blonde-ness extends to me being an actual imbecile.


NOT Five Hundred Followers Friday 🖤

It is now Saturday after all. And I got botted.


Well, whilst my algorithm understanding remains at zero, I have finally made it to 500 followers! (I hope, Im getting started on this post early as the twiglets break up tomorrow – so Im using the power of positive thinking to will the numbers up!)

AH HA, I was wrong.


Halfway Hump Day

Hoooorah, I am officially half way through the current Low-Iodine diet, consisting mostly of cardboard, I mean rice cakes, and peanut butter.

Thankfully, peanut butter is my bae so we are doing ok together so far 🖤 and at the risk of quoting The Attack twice in a week, I do like to find the silver lining, Ive lost a very much needed half a stone. “Think of it as the summer diet starting early” I keep repeating to myself whilst wistfully staring at a toasted tea cake dripping in jam and butter.


Insta-me, Insta-you, Insta-who?

My most infuriating fumble with technology is that of the world of instagram and blogging. I am yet to figure out what algorithm (as if I’d even know what to do with it even if it came and bit me on the ass 😂) is key to reaching like-minded, waffle perusing people and not some bloody bot?!