Fun in the Fails: You, Me & The Injuries

Fun in the Fails: You, Me & The Injuries

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Fun in the Fails:

You, Me & The Injuries

Welcome to the second instalment of the series Fun in the Fails. This week we are going to look at some less than Fun in The Fails: You, Me & The Injuries. Well it wouldn’t be a school “holiday” without having to go through some drama would it! Kids ey, who would have em!

They have the uncanny ability to go from playing nicely, with a calm serenity to turning into lego wielding maniacs because someone breathed too loudly near them.

Thankfully, we tend to come off fairly unscathed in the grand scheme of things, but every now and again, the “it could only happen to me” phrase needs to be utilised.

Fun in thee Fails: You, Me & the Injuries - Parenting Fails & Pigtails

As I am currently having to accept that shielding is necessary, I haven’t left the house at all for almost 5 weeks. Which has its advantages. For example; the never ending list of “Shit to Do” is actually taking quite a hammering (literally) and even getting ticked off! Well, it’s not ticked, it’s more like ferociously scribbled so hard the paper disintegrates. In doing so, it some how gives me more of a sense of achievement. And in times like these, we need all the wins we can get.

Soya Sauce botte 1: Joshua 0

We have an epic Dino sprinkler (ours was from Aldi but its no longer in stock. Studio do a very similar one) which has survived more than one summer! Completely unheard of in The Mad House, it is like a black hole where toys go to die. Whilst Dino survived the pegs we need to impale him to the grass, did not.

This is where the soya sauce comes in. I kid you not. On a mission to find something peg like, we decided kebab sticks were the way to go, as they would do the least damage to The Hubs precious lawn.

When that man can pick his pants up off the floor, my interest in his manicured lawn might increase. But, until the time comes when he treats the house with the same level of love and adoration he treats his bush, I am all for the kids having fun and the garden merely surviving their reign.

Any way, I digress, back to The Fun in the Fails: You, Me & The injuries. As Josh went to open the door of the paraphernalia cupboard, you know the one, herbs and oils and things that probably went out circa 2012, he managed to fall foul of an epic fail.

The “it could only happen to me” is obviously hereditary.

Fun in the Fails: You, Me & The Injuries

I won’t inflict the photographic evidence on you as I am not sure it goes so well with a cake and cuppa. But needless to say, a glass bottle of soya versus the top of the Man Childs foot seemed to be rigged, and not in his favour. That little bottle has super ninja powers, I am sure of it! 

You know how buttered toast always lands butter side down? Well it would appear soya sauce bottles utilise the same physics and aim to land on the top of peoples feet. One shard of glass at a time.

Fortunately, he has a crisis-saving God Mother who happens to also be a foot doctor and she managed to dish out vital virtual advice and help to save the day! Thankfully we avoided an A&E trip too, as we called on the aid of the family GP.

NHS Heroes we salute you

Not only are they front line, they are literally saving the day 365 days a year. A clean up job later, some steristrips and plenty of love, he is almost as good as new. His newly found celebrity status (he announced he was “flameless”) among his friends is also helping in these uncertain times 

Josh is a little like a puppy, accident prone, he needs plenty of food and water, with lots of exercise and love thrown in! Although I secretly don’t want to correct him from calling them stereo-strips because it is just too cute. 

I can’t thank you both enough for helping him. In doing so you in turn ensured me and my somewhat broken body could stay home, and therefore, stay safe. But Josh dude, try to think one step ahead, we’ve run out of stereo-strips……and favours!

Thank you Key Workers

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, you really are keeping the world turning, join me next time time for another instalment of Fun in the Fails,

Until then, stay safe, stay home,

 

Helen - Author of Parenting Fails & Pigtails
Fun in the fails: An antithesis guide to home school survival

Fun in the fails: An antithesis guide to home school survival

Fun in the fails:

An antithesis guide to home school survival

Well I never thought I would be poking fun at myself with this kind of fail. The first in a new quarantine series aptly called Fun in the Fails: An antithesis guide to home school survival.

I am no teacher, and worse than that, I am not sure I really like kids. I mean, dont get me wrong, I obviously love mine and those around me, but “like”….thats a tricky one. Its a bit like exercise, I would love the body of a Brazilian beauty, but the blood sweat and tears that goes into it isn’t all its cracked up to be.

Home School Antithesis definition - Parenting Fails & Pigtails

In this, I obviously jest, so the Susans inside you can all pipe down, raising loved kids is one thing I am good at. This Home school lark however, I am not.

Hands up who did a home school time table?

10/10 for enthusiasm (own up, whose has already made it to the recycling/been set fire to?) I would love to have been that organised. I did manage a list entitled “Shit to do when it goes tits up”. As with anything I turn my hand to, it will in time, go tits up.

On said list there are various DIY tasks that have been on the “Never Ending List of Shit to Do” for all of eternity. Putting the kids to work whilst we are all confined for the foreseeable future seems like a good shout. Then there are fun things to do. Not Pinterest Mum fun mind, because that would require advanced planning/purchasing which I did a lame ass job of as I was in a 70,000 strong queue for bog roll instead. 

I did however get butter and jam, so baking is likely on the cards. It is one thing my tiny brain cell can still produce even after furiously googling long multiplication into the wee hours of the morning (which I stand by was NOT done that way when I was a kid). 

Home School - Available in abundance childrens poster - Parenting fails & pigtails

Available in Abundance

So when home school went tits up (we lasted 48 hours and it was a technological fail that wasn’t because of anything I had done!!), I did something parenty that was sort of educational and I am very proud of our attempts.

We listed things on a massive piece of card (successfully bought whilst competing in the infamous loo roll challenge of 2020) the things that are available despite the lockdown and the fact that the world has effectively stopped.

One of my favourite being PJ parties, a regular activity in the Mad House, and one favoured by all. Primarily because it goes hand in hand with a beige freezer based tea. OF DREAMS. A guilty mum pleasure at its finest.

Can I go to the toilet?

Yes child, I have cleaned pee up for over a decade and don’t fancy wasting any extra aforementioned loo roll on a number 1 on the floor. Although saying that, the boys in this house have questionable aim anyways so it might not be that much different.

Then followed by some, if not all of the following statements:

Home School - Blog graphic kids attitudes - Parenting Fails & Pigtails

I can’t quite decide what’s worse, the attitude or the facial expressions…. maybe that can be the next chapter of finding Fun in the Fails.

Love from your favourite fail of a home school mum,

Helen Signature Parenting Fails & Pigtails

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